六级真题作文-16-6-1

题目

For this part, you are allowed 30 minutes to write a short essay on living in the virtual world.Try to imagine what will happen when people spend more and more time in the virtual world instead of interacting in the real world. You are required to write at least 150 words but no morethan 200 words.

思路：

1：随数字化发展，人们对。。。有很多观点，我的观点是。。。

2：方便人们的生活，例如。。。

但是可能会让人混乱沉迷。。。

3：应该平衡好虚拟和显示

写作

Against the background of an era featured by increasing digilization and AI, creating a virtual world will become reality.With regard to what will happen, viewpoints vary considerablely. As far as i am concerned, virtual world will impact the stereotype exceedingly.

First and foremost,virtual world will compensate for the disadvantage of long distanse.For example, there is no need for workers to waste time on the road, and as a student, i can pay lower costing to obtain higher educational resources. Obviously, it is undeniable that virtual world offers grateful convenience. However, as a old saying goes, every coin has two side. Maybe “no distance” means longest distance. More time people spend in virtual, more posiblly make them lose the ability to value other who around by side. With the less conversasion and confution of the virtual and the real, people may feel chaos even suffer mental illness.

To sum up, the virtual world should be viewed dialectically, keep a balence between real and virtual might be a better option.

评价

评分: 14/20

内容要点:

你的作文涵盖了题目要求的要点，包括虚拟世界的好处和潜在的问题。
逻辑结构:

你的作文结构比较清晰,有引言、主体和结论。但主体部分可以进一步优化。
语法:

你的作文有一些语法错误,如:
“digilization”应改为”digitization”。
“considerably”应改为”considerably”。
“stereotype”应改为”the status quo”。
“compensate for the disadvantage of long distanse”应改为”overcome the disadvantages of long distance”。
“pay lower costing”应改为”pay lower costs”。
“grateful convenience”应改为”great convenience”。
“every coin has two side”应改为”every coin has two sides”。
“posiblly”应改为”possibly”。
“value other who around by side”应改为”value others around them”。
“less conversasion”应改为”less conversation”。
另外,注意主谓一致,如”viewpoints are”应改为”viewpoints is”。
词汇:

你的作文使用了一定的词汇,但可以进一步丰富,如:
“era”可以改为”age”或”epoch”。
“creating a virtual world”可以改为”the creation of a virtual world”。
“impact”可以改为”affect”或”influence”。
“compensate for”可以改为”overcome”。
“grateful”可以改为”great”或”significant”。
句式:

你的作文句式比较单一,可以进一步丰富,如:
使用一些复杂句,如宾语从句、状语从句等。
使用一些非谓语动词作状语,如分词、不定式等。
表达:

你的作文表达基本清晰,但有些地方不够准确或流畅,如:
“As far as i am concerned”可以改为”In my opinion”或”From my perspective”。
“Maybe ‘no distance’ means longest distance”可以改为”Perhaps the concept of ‘no distance’ could ironically lead to the greatest distance of all”。
“keep a balence between real and virtual”可以改为”striking a balance between the real and the virtual”。
改进后的作文:

In the age of increasing digitization and AI, the creation of a virtual world is becoming a reality. Opinions on the consequences of this trend differ significantly. In my opinion, the virtual world will have a profound impact on the status quo.

First and foremost, the virtual world can overcome the disadvantages of long distance. For instance, workers can save time by avoiding commutes, and as a student, I can access higher-quality educational resources at a lower cost. It is undeniable that the virtual world offers significant convenience. However, as an old saying goes, every coin has two sides. Perhaps the notion of “no distance” could ironically lead to the greatest distance of all. The more time people spend in the virtual world, the more likely they are to lose the ability to value others around them. With less interaction between the virtual and the real, people may feel disoriented and even suffer from mental illnesses.

To sum up, the virtual world should be viewed dialectically. Striking a balance between the real and the virtual might be a better option.

总结

have a profound impact on the status quo.
对传统模式有深远影响

conpensate 弥补—>overcome 克服

for instance 例如

offers significant convenience 提供极大的便利

access higher-quality educational resources

perhaps the notion of … means

ironically 讽刺地
disoriented 迷茫的
dialectically 辩证地